it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
