Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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