Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
