If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize