We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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