kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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