1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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