No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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