Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
