How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Randomize
