No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We just shotgunned beers for America
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
