Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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