Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
