Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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