It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
