she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sober January is a disaster.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
