turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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