I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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