I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
