True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
