I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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