Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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