it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I want her autograph on my taint
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
