i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
