"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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