The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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