Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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