sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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