was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
