He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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