Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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