Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
