i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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