that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
