Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
