i need an iv and a liver transplant
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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