the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My pussy is not your playground.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
