I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
