Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
