all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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