Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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