He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
