I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize