So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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