im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
