i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
