i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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