i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
