he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm bleeding and have questions
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
