You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
