we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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