Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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