just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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