and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
