Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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