i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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