he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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