Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
