I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize