mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
