dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
