she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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