Don't make out with my wife yet
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
