I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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