I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
