i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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