well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
